I'm sorry...

--
"Messages can't be intercepted if they aren't sent, can they?" ~ Erwin Rommel

It's getting better. It's just something I had to take a big step back from and disconnect from for a bit. All in all I see the man he truly is, and I see myself for who I am and I've learned that the kind of man he is isn't worthy anymore. I was a good fiance and partner, I was caring and loving and showed it all the time and he couldn't be bothered to make me even feel like he thought of me from time to time. I realize now that I was sad a lot when I shouldn't have been and that a douche like him doesn't deserve a girl who will send tea bags internationally because he was sick and was bummed about having one kind of tea, a girl who makes scrapbooks and sews blankets for when he's cold and lonely, or a girl who calls every day to say I love you.

And I've learned that I deserve someone who will not only appreciate what I do, but also do it for me sometimes. : )

I feel stronger than I used to. I think perhaps this is good for me.

--
Your Honour, I object on the grounds that the prosecution is extraordinarily fucking annoying.

That's terrible...you really do deserve a guy who will be good to you, care about you, and be willing to sacrifice his own pleasures for you. A relationship just feels ridiculous if neither side is willing to be selfless for the other.

I remember in high school I had a huge crush on a friend of mine. I saw her go through three or four boyfriends, all who either treated her badly or toyed with her emotions. I tried being selfless for her, bending over backwards to help her life and always being there to listen to her, but I never moved beyond the status of "friend". In fact, I realized recently most of my life I've been stuck in the "friend zone" - the zone a guy is where he's told he's nothing more than "a good friend". I used to be OK with it, figuring, "Well, I'd rather be a good friend than nothing"...but after about the tenth girl told me, "You're a good friend" then either go engaged or went to a guy who treated her badly...I just got freggin' tired of it. Someone told me I should be a jerk, or try to be distant, but I can't - call me crazy but I like the code of chivalry and trying to be a gentleman. I can't try to be any thing lower than that, or I'll feel like puss.

I'm a romantic at heart, but it seems rare I ever get to prove it. Could be I'm shy, and I've begun to have doubts about how I look - maybe I'm being too harsh on myself, but after being stood up by a girl and seeing my reflection...well it hit me hard. I'm beginning to wonder if I should even strive for a romantic life any more.

But I'm happy you're at least feeling stronger, whereas I feel almost more desperate. Don't let one clod get you down. You're stunningly attractive, have a great personality and a fantastic sense of humor, and an apathetic/non-offensive view on most serious matters. If any guy can't see that off the bat, just reject him outright

--
"Messages can't be intercepted if they aren't sent, can they?" ~ Erwin Rommel

Not too good at comforting people on relationships but I wish I could give you a real one

--
"Ah ta ta ta, let's not *blow* things out of proportion!"
~
The Joker.

Agent of Chaos reporting!

If you are one of the few that think Nnoitra is sexy, copy and paste this into your signature.

Thanks : )

--
Your Honour, I object on the grounds that the prosecution is extraordinarily fucking annoying.

At times the sadness still comes though. I just feel like what could I have done, what did I do to make him treat me this way. All because he's too much of a coward to talk to me about it.

Don't stop being the nice guy... someday there will be a girl worthy of it who can see it. It always seems that the nice and kind ones get tossed aside for some reason, but dammit I'll still make the scrapbooks and I'll still cry when they get stuck on a shelf and he still won't call no matter what... I dunno... I can't stop being who I am. I just hope someday there will be someone who will see me for that and appreciate it and love it, rather than take it for granted. Sure, I wasn't available for sex all the time and I couldn't kiss him everyday, but I did my best to let him know how important he was and how much I loved him through other things... and it hurts knowing that 1 blanket, 2 pillows, 1 teddy bear (handmade), 5 scrapbooks, 3 plane tickets, 5 semesters of foreign language and countless phonecalls, i love you's and kisses later that it all means nothing in the end. And I feel like I was used. But I know that someday there will be someone who will see that as beyond enough, and value me for that. I just haven't found him yet.

I still cry and I still want him... I know I shouldn't but I loved him very much and I still do. I just need to pick up and move on : )

Someday we'll both find someone : )

--
Your Honour, I object on the grounds that the prosecution is extraordinarily fucking annoying.

Yeah well at this point I'm wondering if God is keeping me single to become a monk Probably not, but jeez I'm tired of waiting. Mostly I'm tired of girls I'm interested in being taken or engaged

And don't you ever change who you are. I don't want you going emo on me

--
"Messages can't be intercepted if they aren't sent, can they?" ~ Erwin Rommel

You want for me to kill him? *grin with fangs*

--
I'll be your candle on the water
My love for you will always burn
I know you're lost and drifting
But the clouds are lifting
Don't give up you'll have somewhere to turn
- Candle on the Water, "Pete's Dragon"

GO GO MAGIC FANGS GO!!

I want his blood to run Yatta!

--
Your Honour, I object on the grounds that the prosecution is extraordinarily fucking annoying.